Thoughts on 'Networking' After 50+ Coffee Chats
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Yurui’s Summary
Talking to random people completely out of my ‘pay-grade’ has taught me immensely valuable insights to take on into my own life.
I have a pet-peeve with ‘networking’, though. Many see networking as something transactional; being known as a good ‘networker’ gives the idea of being fake, shallow and impersonal. Instead, I think personal connections are of the utmost importance.
There are three types of friends; friends of pleasure, of utility, and of good.
Networking is not purely a way to gain favour in friendships of utility. I’d like to think of it as just simply ‘meeting people’, and not labeling it as ‘networking’.
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I love reaching out to people to have conversations with them. Random people that I might have close to zero personal connection to, who might be more than 10 years older than me. It didn’t take long for me to realise that every single person I talk to has a unique perspective and worldview that is shaped by their personal experiences. No matter what topic we discuss, every person is going to have a nuanced opinion as a result. I think my main takeaways from talking to people are in regards to key lessons and philosophies behind tough, even life-changing decisions and their ensuing experiences.
Some favourites include how incredibly ambitious and curious people experienced high school, how they came to choose the degree that they studied, why they decided to drop out of their uni degree/current position, how their experience was studying at an elite Ivy League university, what they learnt from interning in corporate vs startups, how they came to innovate and build their own startup, how they decided which industry to enter, why they jumped from a traditional role like Medicine to Management Consulting, how different the work in Product Management is to Entrepreneurship, how transferable skills built in Investment Banking are incredibly helpful for a career in startups, how they want to build their own company after swimming in the Commonwealth Games, or how they love their position in Venture Capital empowering startup founders after founding and selling their billion dollar tech startup. The list goes on. Maybe one day I’ll release my notes from each one-on-one conversation I’ve been privileged to have been the other half of.
I can’t even begin to explain how much I’ve learnt from just deciding to send a cold message to a random person on the internet. I guess that respondees are self-selecting in the sense that if they agree to hop on the phone for 30mins-1hr, they’re genuinely interested in sharing their experiences, and helping out this kid in high school by going deep into their experiences. Usually they’re kind enough to tap into their own network and introduce me to someone else who will relate with me and my ambitions. Though it’s definitely unfeasible for me to copy any one of these amazing humans’ career paths and journeys, it’s definitely their decision making philosophies and personal contexts which inform me how to go on and making decisions for myself.
I’m truly grateful for all those who decided to hop on Zoom or Google Meets with me. I learn so much from all of you, and in case you’re reading this, thank you so much.
I guess I have this little pet peeve, when people say that they think I’m good at ‘networking’.
Though I do assume that they mean only good things with regard to my willingness to talk to other talented people, to learn from them, and my extroversion in general, I feel like the connotations of being known as a good ‘networker’ gives the idea of being fake, shallow and impersonal when I talk to people. Almost as if I’m going out to meet people, only for the sake of meeting them, and grabbing their Linkedin/Instagram handles.
Moving to a more personal lens, I think many of us see networking as something purely transactional, in terms of the amount of value that the both of us derive from a conversation. We shouldn’t be doing this; instead, we should hold in higher esteem the personal connections we make with each other. I hate talking about conversations as ‘gaining value’ and ‘mutually beneficial’. Conversations shouldn’t be about how much value each of us gain, but instead that we just enjoy spending time together. It’s not a bad thing to gain value, but I just feel like the connotations are offputting. Personally, I want to put a premium on fostering genuine relationships with people.
Aristotle says that there are three types of friends.
Friendships of Pleasure
These are the friendships that exist between you and friends you’re around for fun. Perhaps these are your mates who play tennis with you? Maybe they’re some of your buddies whenever you go out to the pub? Or people who share hobbies with you, that you’re able to share a good joke with.
Friendships of Utility
These are the friends who you’re friends with because you’re useful to each other. These are friends who help you with work because you’re colleagues, or studying the same course together. Perhaps they’re able to give you an internal referral to a company that you’re trying to break into. Networking.
Friendships of the Good
These are the friends that are based on mutual respect and admiration. They take time and effort to build, and are usulaly a result of two people realising that they have values and goals in common. They are like-minded enough to relate with each other, yet different enough to provide nuanced opinions and take each other seriously. These friends are few, but once you find one of them, try your best to maintain the friendship.
I find it really weird to be categorising friendships into one of these three areas. I mean, sure, it works. But sometimes we can’t rationalise emotional matters.
To what extent do you think that the age-old mantra ‘it’s not what you know, it’s who you know’ is valuable? I feel like sometimes, we associate way too much value to friendships of utility.
I guess my point in all this is that we shouldn’t be treating networking as purely a way to gain favour in friendships of utility. Instead, we should be finding balance and appreciating friends for what they are. ‘Networking’ is a dope way to learn more from super experienced people. But I’d like to think of it as just simply ‘meeting people’, and not labeling it as ‘networking’.
Yurui
